Cleaner wanted: will pay whisky

My first regular job was as a high school janitor. And I interrupt this post to say a quick hello to Mrs Bellamy if you’re reading, sorry for walking in on you that fateful day, but you should have shut the door.

I started off cleaning the year 9 area toilets, and, as my skills grew, I progressed to vacuuming first a few common areas, and then entire departments. It was during this time that I forged my signature technique whereby I held the vacuum in my left hand, using the dexterity of my preferred right to guide the suction nozzle into those hard to reach corners and under long tables.

I left school and started up my own business cleaning houses. I even had a small ad in the local paper. I really liked those long afternoons spent polishing the last toothpaste residue from some strangers’ bathroom mirror, often using nothing more than my own shirt tail, moistened with some perspiration from my brow.

But the results spoke for themselves, and, with a little help from word of mouth – and also because my parents starting employing me – my business grew.

Then, late 2003, I realised that I hadn’t spent the last three years studying journalism in order to be tomorrow’s Mr Sheen.

Had I only known then what I know now: daily is the news one reads of drastic cuts in the journalism sector, yet seldom of people’s houses no longer getting dirty.

It is a fact we are painfully aware of since our cleaner quit in December. We have been looking for a new one, but we prefer someone who is off the books.

Today then, a stroke of luck. A former cleaner I used in Qatar is looking for work. He was a good worker, and often used to accept payment in whisky in lieu of cash (being Nepali, he was ineligible to visit Doha’s single bottle shop – reserved exclusively for expats, and locals not dressed as locals).

His application for the job is as follows:

hi sir namaskar !!!

hi sir how r u ? where r u know ? in australia ? sir feb –5 i want go to nepal. sir i want come in australia sir can u sand visa for me ? i will do it ani woark. if posibel please sand me visa ok sir. sir i miss u ani time. and sir where is mark & crozno mam can u give me mail add and give my love and miss to him.

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One Response to “Cleaner wanted: will pay whisky”

  1. Nordette Says:

    Oooh – can you please settle a rumour then? Was Ms Bellamy’s gunt really a gunt, or just a rubber tyre she put there to make herself less attractive to hormonally charged teens? We all know without it she was a total hornbag..

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