The devolution of office clothing

The story of the suit is yet to be explained; but while you wait, spare a thought for the chain of devolution of office attire.

Inevitably, the smartness of office attire has a direct correlation to the length of time one has been employed, and if one was to draw a curve of the correlation, one would see a gradual decline of style over time.

This is in fact my second great curve graph related to clothes. The first one is that of fashion versus money, which, if the ‘x’ axis represents an increasing amount of income until infinity, and ‘y’ is the amount of style you have, then the curve shaped like a bell. What this means is that, after a point, rich people forget how to dress. How else to explain socialites in Toorak?

We can’t all expect to be as fashion-savvy as Mr T: and given the sharp downwards trajectory experienced in my first six days, what can I expect of next week?

Day one: Brand new grey Savile Row suit, crisp white shirt, red tie, blue cuff links, bright orange socks, high cut leather Moroccan moon boots (tragically the only leather shoes I own at the moment).

Day two: Grey Savile Row suit, creased blue chequered shirt, no tie, blue cuff links, bright green socks,
high cut leather Moroccan moon boots.

Day three: Grey Savile Row suit, poorly ironed and very recently iron-stained stripy shirt in questionable colour scheme, no tie, blue cuff links, unwashed aforementioned bright green socks,
high cut leather Moroccan moon boots.

Day four: Grey Savile Row suit, crisp grey shirt with pink stripe, red tie, blue cuff links, navy socks, high cut leather Moroccan moon boots.

Day five: Rapidly tiring grey Savile Row suit which is now missing a pants button causing it to look like my pants are permananently undone, blue slightly-too-short-on-the-arms Figaret shirt, yellow tie, black socks, high cut leather Moroccan moon boots.

Day six: Very exhausted emotionally distressed and rather creased grey Savile Row suit still undone at the pants, crass pink shirt with orange squares, bright choking orange tie removed already at 9.35am, high cut leather Moroccan moon boots now referred to by the general working public as ‘elf boots’.

And apparently I’m not the only one who has taken a concerned interest in my office attire. “Just so you know, you don’t need to wear a tie except for if you’re at a client’s,” wrote the staff manager today. Keeping in mind he hadn’t even seen my orange number at that stage.

Other comments throughout the week have included “You look great…down to the ankles”.

And again the staff manager: “Yes I’ve noticed the boots. They are…mysterious.”

In this last comment it is the ‘…’ which says it all.

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